!!!1!

I ust listened to the most beautiful and restful piece of music I've heard in the last five years: Lou Reed Metal Machine Music (to be specific track three) in genuine bootleg mp3 form.

(Aside: my keyboard isn't particularly doing well these days, maybe I should break down and replace the battery. Anyway I meant to type "just" up there but stupid here lost the why. Buy ya know what? the word "ust" is fai-i-ine. Say it out loud, it's "used" as "I used to love her But it's all over now." Oh I like it a lot!)

Anyhow everybody says that MMM is the most unlistenable thing ever but oh Hell it's not. No no no no no no no no. So much so that now I've got to go buy the thing. I believe in supporting great musical artists, you know.

How I invited the President of Iran to New York

Who invited Ahmadinnerplate to the USA?

I did. I was poking around on the Intarnet one afternon and I saw a posting on alt.politics.persia addressed from mahmoud.ahmadinnerplate@yahoo.com which, frankly, I thought was quite insightful. I replied and offered to subscribe to his newsletter.

He told me about how he was heartbroken that the U.S.A. was so hostile toward his proud and inveterate nation, despite that our two peoples have so much low-level mundane stuff in common, like how both Iranian small girls and American small girls, generally speaking, love cute kittens and stuff. Half a world away, who'd'a guessed? yet it is indeed the case.

I told him that it was probably hard feelings over that hostages thing; the Republicans are angry because they basically hate all foreigners excepting Saudis, and Democrats are even angrier because that fancy-ass teen-age bullshit of theirs eventuated in inflicting that unforgiveable fathomless utter prick Reagan upon us, which ruined our poor nation from head to toe.

mahmoud.ahmadinnerplate@yahoo.com replied, and what about that fucking Shah, huh? Him and all his fag ass medals. Like as though we owe you an appy polly loggy, droogie.

I could kinda see his point and diplomatic inspiration struck; I said, Hey Mahmoud! When you explain things so plain and straight, everything of which we speak seems as an unmuddied lake, sir, I said, clear as an azure sky of deepest summer. Look, eh, why don't you come to New York and speak your piece? People'll hear and understand. Peace is good.

mahmoud.ahmadinnerplate@yahoo.com said, well what the Hell, I'll try it.

So he came, but damn, was I disillusioned! And I'll bet mahmoud.ahmadinnerplate@yahoo.com is pretty sore too. He isn't replying to my apologetic emails, anyway. Instead of the expected enlightened harmony all we got is this strained and mannerless warmongering. What's with these God damned news freaks anyway? I know teevee ad revenue shoots up up up whenever the hot war news is on, but for crying out loud.